A Delicate Boy...

Go to the New Blog (Same as the Old Blog)

2008-10-24T14:33:00.002-04:00

I've started a new blog, Pennies in a Jar, and will no longer be updating this one. Good bye, sweet blog, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

The Movie Meme

2008-10-12T15:55:00.009-04:00

The Rules:

Pick 30 of your favorite movies.
Find a quote from each movie.
Post them here for everyone to guess.
Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it correctly and the name of the movie.
NO CHEATING (googling/using IMDb/Wikiquote) for those of you guessing.

I got this from Bradley, and I have to add his caveat that these aren't all exactly good movies, but they are movies I like for various reasons. But I wouldn't call these my favorites; I'm just kind of listing things that come to mind right now, though some come to mind right away. And Da Man isn't allowed to play since we tend to quote these to each other constantly. Some I expect people to get instantly. Some I expect no one to get at all. I apologize for what some will see as offensive language, but those are some of the best quotations of all.

~~My teen angst has a body count.~~ (Jette -- Heathers)
~~I miss my dad. He worked really hard for that house. It took him...thirty years to pay it off. And it took me eight months to fuck it up!~~ (Minarae -- House of Sand and Fog)
~~You know...for a second there...yeah...I kinda did.~~ (Damion -- Kill Bill, Vol. 1)
~~If you get hungry, eat something.~~ (Mo -- Best in Show)
~~I got some!~~ (Harmony -- Drop Dead Gorgeous)
~~She's so evil...and she's only in high school!~~ (Tria -- Jawbreaker)
~~Try the cock, Albert. It's a delicacy, and you know where it's been.~~ (Jette -- The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover)
~~Hello. I am Princess Moanna, and I am not afraid of you.~~ (Chaser -- Pan's Labyrinth)
~~You pair of deuces lookin' for work, I suggest you get your scrawny asses in here pronto.~~ (Muffet -- Brokeback Mountain)
~~Schmucks are people, too.~~ (Chaser --Something's Gotta Give)
~~Purple in the morning, blue in the afternoon, orange in the evening. There's my three meals, Mr. Smartypants.~~ (Damion -- Requiem for a Dream)
~~You know, this thing between Prok and me was fine for a while, but I guess I just really miss sleeping with women.~~ (Lois -- Kinsey)
It started as rioting. But right from the beginning you knew this was different. Because it was happening in small villages, market towns. And then it wasn't on the TV any more. It was in the street outside. It was coming in through your windows. It was a virus. An infection. You didn't need a doctor to tell you that. It was the blood. It was something in the blood. (Roseann -- 28 Days Later)
~~The plan is you drink a nice tall glass of Shut The Fuck Up!~~ (Roseann -- Dawn of the Dead)
~~He's seducing my girlfriend with MY words and MY things. He stole a pair of her underwear! Jesus Christ, he stole her underwear.~~ (Jolene -- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)
~~You don't wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel.~~ (Bradley -- Pee Wee's Big Adventure)
~~I really love Rudy. He is totally enamored of me. I mean, I've had other men love me before, but not for six months in a row.~~ (Harmony -- 16 Candles)
~~I'm exactly the way you made me: do it this way, do it that way, do it MY way, until I don't even know how to do it without you.~~ (Patrick -- Up Close and Personal)
~~Now, just because someone sees, you know, two naked people asleep in bed together, it doesn't necessarily prove sex was involved. It does, however, make for a very strong case.~~ (Soma -- Velvet Goldmine)
~~Sometimes there's things more important than pit beef.~~ (Mo -- Pecker)
~~It's the times. They are a-changin'. Something's blowing in the wind. Fetch me my diet pills, would you?~~ (Jette --Hairspray)
Christian, you may see me only as a drunken, vice-ridden gnome whose friends are just pimps and girls from the brothels. But I know about art and love, if only because I long for it with every fiber of my being. (Iain -- Moulin Rouge)
Unfortunately, THIS guitar said, 'When I get back to Georgia, that woman gonna feel my pain.' THIS one said something along the lines of, 'Why yes, these pants ARE lycra.' THESE said, 'I'm very sensitive, very caring, and I have absolutely no idea how to play the guitar.' (Abby -- Stranger Than Fiction)
~~You'd rather focus on other people's Kodak moments than make memories of your own!~~ (Koroshiya -- 27 Dresses)
You are very handsome. And I'm getting a little turned on. Are you? (The Dying Gaul)
I have a lot of fantasies about being tied up and spanked. I suppose it isn't very liberated, is it? What kind of fantasies do feminists have? (Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death)
~~Hold this piece of hickory, sister Margo.~~ (Lois -- The Royal Tenenbaums)
~~It's one of those two, love or revenge, I'm not really sure which one. But it's one of those two that made me throw a cello through somebody's window, so you figure it out.~~ (little pinky time -- Rocket Science)
~~I had a bad day, I had to subvert my principles and kowtow to an idiot. Television makes these daily sacrifices possible.~~ (Patrick -- Trust)
~~You know how you said before, how your parents use you to get back at each other? Wouldn't I be outstanding in that capacity?~~ (Mo -- The Breakfast Club)

Wow, This Fits Down to Every Word

2008-10-11T22:20:00.001-04:00

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are an Ingrid!

You are an Ingrid -- "I am unique"

Ingrids have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me

Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.

Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.

Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.

Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.

Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being an Ingrid

* my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level

* my ability to establish warm connections with people

* admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life

* my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor

* being unique and being seen as unique by others

* having aesthetic sensibilities

* being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being an Ingrid

* experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair

* feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved

* feeling guilty when I disappoint people

* feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me

* expecting too much from myself and life

* fearing being abandoned

* obsessing over resentments

* longing for what I don't have

Ingrids as Children Often

* have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games

* are very sensitive

* feel that they don't fit in

* believe they are missing something that other people have

* attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.

* become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood

* feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

Ingrids as Parents

* help their children become who they really are

* support their children's creativity and originality

* are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings

* are sometimes overly critical or overly protective

* are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

Pretty Colour Lakes

2008-10-09T22:52:00.003-04:00

As some of you know, I had the chance to meet up with Jo(e) and venture to Pretty Colour Lakes last weekend. Yes, she and I met before in the academic way, at conferences in New York and San Antonio (I think it was at both), but this was our first time to meet as bloggers. Last summer, I made a quick comment to her that I was coming, and we had the date set quick.

On Friday, I called her when I woke up, and she was over in a flash. I had just sat down in the lobby to do some reading when she called to say she was by the parking area. In the car, she did warn me that she talks with her hands, which makes driving difficult. But it wasn't long before we were at Pretty Colour Lakes, which does deserve its name. We pulled out our cameras and started walking. I have to say that I have no idea what time we started or how long we actually spent there. We talked about other blogger meetings and our histories with those we know online. We talked about our jobs and families. I asked her a bit about the history of the lake and assured her that I really did want to know.

And then the storm hit. Honestly, the weather forecast online that morning said it would be cloudy, but it said nothing about any type of showers or rain. Jo(e) put my camera under her raincoat with hers, and we just kept walking and talking. After all, what else could we do? The point was to be out in the natural world.

As soon as we reached her car, wiped our faces, and pulled out of the parking area, it stopped. Just like that. But she went directly to a great Italian restaurant that was full with lunch customers. We were still able to sit quickly and kept talking. It didn't seem fast, and we spent several hours together, but all of a sudden it was time to get me back to the hotel so I could see a few afternoon talks and she could cart the kids around to music lessons.

Back at the hotel, I had plenty of time for a hot shower. The hotel had one of those rain-style shower heads where the water just falls down, perfect after a drenched walk. As I sat down at the computer to check email, I updated my Facebook status to say, "Nels thinks spending the day with creative people can fuel the mind and body more than anything else."

That's how I felt, relaxed and invigorated all at once.

"Dark Elegy" at Syracuse University

2008-10-07T23:33:00.003-04:00

There were many highlights to my trip to Syracuse that I want to write about, but one was seeing the "Dark Elegy" sculptures at Syracuse University. On Saturday, I went to a panel at the conference where someone talked about the piece, which conveys how different women responded when they heard that they had lost loved ones on Pan Am Flight 103. The presenter--whose name is back in my office--said that four of the pieces were on the campus. I did a quick map search and found out it was a mile from the hotel, so when the presentations were over for the day, I ran to see them. The sun was setting, and I was afraid I was going to get there when the sun was down, but the timing was perfect. I quickly uploaded some of the best photos this afternoon because I wanted to show them in my pain seminar. We were talking about 9/11 today, and the image of art based on a earlier terrorist attack was a perfect addition to our discussion.

Off to Syracuse

2008-10-01T21:19:00.013-04:00

ETA Monday, October 6: I wrote this last Wednesday but had trouble uploading to my server, so I'm just posting it now.

I am leaving tomorrow for a nice drive to Syracuse where I'll be attending the Visible Memories conference. I'm really excited about it all. I'm looking forward to the conference, and I'm looking forward to the drive since I don't often make such drives. I'll have my camera in case I want to take some foliage shots for the miles I'm not on a freeway, and I made a mix tape (on CD) for freeway time. I wanted something full of energetic music to which I can sing loudly and perhaps engage in some car dancing, which I am known for (one time, I was singing and moving in the car on the drive to campus and realized later that I was behind the dean!). It'll be nice to kick back for the next few days and not think about anything but what I'm there for.

In case you're interested, I followed Collin's lead and posted a screen grab of the list.

You Say It's Your Birthday...

2008-09-20T21:00:00.003-04:00

Because Facebook tells you when people have birthdays, I've been getting birthday greetings all day, which is quite cool. I'm 30-freaking-9 today. 39! Still quite stunned how that happened. I am now stuffed with shrimp, so much so that Da Man and I are thinking we'll forgo to Chocolate Cookie Dough Cake in the fridge.

What I wanted to do was search around and see what the internets/stars say is in store for me for the year. According to Cafe Astrology:

A trine between the Sun and the Moon in your Solar Return chart this year is a fortunate aspect. It suggests that your domestic and career needs are not in competition with one another in the year ahead. Your inner needs tend to be mirrored by external events, and vice versa. This aspect is very powerful and rewarding. It suggests that you will be on top of your game this year, for the most part, and positive connections with others can be made fairly easily. A comfortable level of personal popularity helps to keep conflict to a minimum. With the ability to handle your emotions successfully, there is less stress on both your mind and body. Your self-confidence and positive attitude will reward you!
In terms of major outer transits, you're finishing up with a Pluto transit square to your Sun, which produced intense energy in your life for the past few years. This can be seen as somewhat of a release. Ideally, you are much stronger now, with a gutsy sense of self.

The year ahead is bound to be productive and busy. Figuring strongly this year are new developments in--and new attitudes towards--love matters, finances, and social relationships. Your creative and love urges are powerful indeed. New friendships, or new spins on established connections, are in your forecast. New ideas and projects abound! Focusing will be the key to success. You are taking on new responsibilities, but generally enjoying the challenges.

Not bad! Can't help but think of that little tenure thing while reading some of this...

Stick That Proverbial Fork in Me

2008-09-15T14:40:00.004-04:00

As those of you on Facebook know, I turned in the tenure packet this morning: six binder, fourteen folders, and a big box of ~~crap~~ supporting materials. Right after, I had a burst of energy. I went through a pile of emails, cleaned my desk, sent some proactive emails about things related to Gender Studies and other things I've been needing/wanting to do. Now, I'm crashing a bit. I slept last night, but I think my body is letting go of the stress, which I've handled well in the last few days. A few weeks ago? Basket case. Last few days? I was actually having fun. I've said before that the good part of this is having people show support of your work, getting emails and letters from people about things you've done, getting external reviews from people who put forth real effort and did more than just "get it." Yes, I cannot predict what will happen, and I have been reminded that strange things do happen. But I am proud of what is out there. In terms of what I can control, I put out a well-organized, clearly-stated application that makes my argument as I well as I can make it that I do good work and deserve to stay here.

Now, onto the job itself.

My Latest Musical Obsessions

2008-09-11T23:42:00.002-04:00

I've spent the last few months listening to this nonstop:

And what is currently replacing it:

I'm a gay man who listens to dance music. Sue me.

What I Miss Most

2008-09-08T22:44:00.003-04:00

Connecticut has become home. Now, it took until our fourth year here for it to become home. Da Man developing bits of his own life here outside of mine helped, as did meeting BBM and GG. Ironically, my mother's death played an important role because Texas felt less like a future home; the "home" part of it became a part of the past.

But I was thinking today about the things I miss about my former homes. Seeing the kinds of things that Tris is up to in Houston makes me miss the art scene there. I worked in it for about three years and knew some of the movers and shakers. I mean, we weren't friends, but when I was at the gallery, I recognized them, and some called me by name when asking for wine at show openings. Checking out Tria's Facebook page and seeing the events she's attending and things that are available makes me jealous, and I long a bit for the past.

Then, while driving home today, I started to miss how easy it was to get around places in Columbus. Everything in Connecticut seems so far away from everything else. In Ohio, it seemed that everything I wanted was withing five miles of my home: the best movie theatres, independent coffee places, the gay district. Here, I live twelve miles from campus, and that's not all that far by local standards. Even if I lived closer to campus like some, I'd be farther from other things.

But this is home, and it's not bad. I feel like I have more within a hundred miles than I did in other places. Well, maybe Houston has that, too.

I'm Not Gone; I'm Just Elsewhere

2008-09-07T23:10:00.004-04:00

It looks like I'm averaging a post a week, about four a month. That's pretty sad, and I'm not thrilled about it. But I haven't disappeared. I'm on Facebook a lot. Yeah, I've become one of those people, constantly updating my status and searching for flair. I started classes last week though the second one hasn't met yet. I was so anxious to get back into the classroom. I've been busy for the last month with tenure and administrative crap, and I was ready for something else, ready to get into a more settled routine, ready to get back to the one thing that consistently makes me happy.

I've created blogs for both classes, and I'll be posting a lot over at those since I'm going to do reading responses with the students. There's the one for my first-year seminar on the graphic memoir, and the one for for honors students, the upper-level Humanities Center seminar on pain. I'm really excited for what we'll be reading and doing in those classes. If you're interested in either (or both!), please subscribe to the feed and check out my responses. And please feel free to comment on the student blogs, too. Or to send your students there for those who are teaching. It feels good to be back in the classroom and excited again.

Essay Ideas?

2008-08-30T17:26:00.003-04:00

I'm putting together the syllabus and schedule for my first-year seminar on the graphic memoir, and I thought I would turn to all of you for ideas. In the first two full weeks, I want to have them read random textual essays, anything from the genres of personal essay/memoir. I'm thinking of having them read at least two a day for four days. For example, we're reading Jo Ann Beard's "The Fourth State of Matter" because it's one of my absolute favorites. I've got a ton of ideas, but I'm wondering what all of you think teaches well for first-year students.

What would you teach if you could teach any essay? And if anyone has a PDF file of any essay, I'd love to get a copy!

I Teach Good and I Done Got Proof!

2008-08-28T11:55:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, at the university's Faculty/Staff Kickoff, I received an Award for Innovations in Teaching and Learning, and I won it for my work with blogs. I have to say that it was humbling to receive the award because a colleague nominated me and got students to write letters of support on my behalf. All I had to do was write a one page teaching philosophy after she did the rest of the work. Here I am with our new provost, another winner of the award, and our university's Distinguished Teaching Humanist (who happens to have been the chair of the search committee that hired me!). Yep, nice timing before I turn in that little tenure thing in two weeks.

The High School Reunion

2008-08-26T18:42:00.005-04:00

I'm at the Houston airport, having arrived four hours early for my flight, and it has just been delayed by an hour. I've got just over two hours left, so I decided to go for a restaurant meal and have a seat for a bit. I'm not sure if the delay is because of the storm that is going through or those computer problems someone just messaged me about. Ah, well. Whatever the reason, I'm here waiting for a bit more. At least pay for a wi-fi daypass now feels worth it. I've answered all of my email messages and gone through everything on Facebook. Quite a bit of Facebook activity, I must say!

That is to say that the reunion was a blast. There were only about twenty or so people there from the one hundred or so in the graduating class. It would have been nice to see more, but it was great just to see those I did. I didn't hear about the ten-year reunion until after the fact, so this was my first chance to catch up with people. See, I started kindergarten in this school system in 1975, and so did a fair number of other people. And most other people in the graduating class started well before high school. Whether they were friends, enemies, or frenemies, I grew up with these people. I've wondered about them all over the years.

Tria and I were nervous. She started out nervous, and I got there by the time we'd arrived. Her husband and I threatened to throw her out of the car and drive off, but we didn't. We walked in and looked at each other to say, "What in the hell are we doing?" But we walked down the hall and through the doors. We'd skipped the afternoon family time with horseshoes and dinner and had arrived at the time the dance was to begin. Everyone turned to look, and one woman yelled out, "Nels! Tria!" And people started coming up to us.

As is typical in such a situation, some people looked exactly the same, and some were unrecognizable. Right away, a guy with a shaven head and goatee stuck out his hand and said, "Nels!" Turns out it was the quarterback whose name was right before mine alphabetically. We spent years with lockers next to each other and together in some classes. We also played trombone for years and constantly switched first and second chair between us. I would have lost money on a bet to recognize him.

And that's how it went for the early part of the evening, just the standard questions and lots of hugs and handshakes and smiles. The "dance" started, though the DJ preferred a lot of country (no surprise) and Guns 'n Roses, who weren't even around until after graduation. We grabbed a couple of our CDs so we could dance to "West End Girls" and "Wild, Wild West." Someone put on "Just Like Heaven," which was perfection, at least for us. By the end of the night, we were all sitting apart in our groups just like in high school. No surprise, though. Our friends are our friends. We weren't there to make new ones but to find out what had happened to these people who were a part of our daily lives for so long.

The only really uncomfortable moment, for me, was when the wife of someone I hung out with seemed a little obsessed with finding photos of his ex-girlfriend in the yearbook. She was hoping she would be there to thank her for breaking up with him. This was the same wife who asked me if I had a PhD and was voted Most Likely to Succeed. I didn't wany anyone to think I was lording my education over anyone. Earning the degrees was the right move for me and no comment on anyone else, so I wasn't sure what to do with that one.

Another neat but odd moment came between Tria and the quarterback. He'd mentioned that someone had brought up some of the bad things that happened, typical high school stuff. And the quarterback said it was amazing Tria and I survied all the crap. That was a nice thing to hear. I mean, high school was typcial. We hated a lot of it. But we got through, and I wanted to see who else had gotten through, too.

Twenty years ago, a group of about a hundred teenagers finished high school in a very small town in south Texas. We had complained for years that all we wanted to do was get out, and it was time to do it. We were scared. I feel comfortable speaking for most of the group when I say that. It's one thing to talk about getting out and moving on, but it's another thing to do it. Three from our class didn't make it (one suicide, one car accident, one rare brain disease), but most of us did. I'm sure many of them lead lives that would drive me crazy, voting for candidates I find reprehensible, thinking things I could never think. And they would say the same about me. But here we are, or there we were, twenty years later, adults living our lives.

And that's kinda cool.

Off to Texas

2008-08-18T21:30:00.002-04:00

I'm off to Texas for the next week or so. Not thrilled about the timing, but my high school reunion is Saturday, and if I'm going to go down for that, I want to tack on a few days for other things, exploring some old haunts in Houston. And I might as well do some kicking back while I can, even if I am taking the tenure file with me and such.

I wonder if it'll be hot when I'm down there?

Putting the Puzzle Together

2008-08-11T22:12:00.003-04:00

Wow, it's been a while, and that was unintended. In many ways, I feel like hte semester has begun. I have meetings and deadlines and work to do. I'm in the office almost daily. I'm already feeling behind.

I guess that's easy the tenure year. I feel like I've been putting the tenure packet off even though I've been working on it for a while. It's not due until September 15, but that will come fast. In the last few days, I've been working on the lists. The part that lists all the committees I've been on and service activities I've undertaken. Tonight, I grabbed all the folders from the last few years in which I threw everything related to service. I started at the top and moved to the bottom, typing in the things I've forgotten, typing in the comments from faculty and students about my work. Someone told me in the first year to print every email where someone says something nice about what I've done. Best. advice. ever. I put bullet points under every item describing the work I did and offering those quotations. The list grew and grew, and I felt better about things. Tomorrow, I'll do it for the professional development activities.

The funny thing is that I used to agonize over whether something was service or professional development or teaching. What a waste of anxiety! I came across a few things tonight that belong in other categories, so I put them there. Duh. I threw the email thanking me for a guest lecture in the service file but scrolled on up to the teaching section and listed it there. I couldn't find the documentation for the CCCC Feminist Workshop I co-chaired in 2004 because it's in the professional development file in my office even though it's a service activity.

That's what this is like. It's a puzzle. You have all the parts in various places and just need to plug them into the right spots. In the end, it will all look smooth and coherent. For now, when I stress out, I try to focus on the good things people have said about me over the years. It doesn't get rid of the stress, but there is some alleviation.

"The playback: late night, Brooklyn, a pot of cofee, and a chair by the window..."

2008-08-05T20:52:00.002-04:00

During the trip, I read Rob Sheffield's Love is a Mix Tape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time. If any of you watch the Vh-1 shows like I Love the 90s, then you've probably seen Sheffield as a commentator; he's a writer for Rolling Stone. Kind of like the book I talked about yesterday, I was a little turned off at first. The cover is a bit cartoony, but I knew the bulk of the story was about dealing with the loss of his wife. And, hey, I love a good trauma memoir! Seriously, though, this is another good one. It is terifying to read how his wife had a pulmonary embolism. She simply stood up one day and collapsed dead. There was no warning. He was in the kitchen. It was Mother's Day. She had been completely healthy. And she was gone. I at least knew Blane was dying. That was hard enough to deal with at the time, but AIDS was nowhere near being considered anything close to a managed disease at that point. It just sounds horrible. And terifying.

The first few chapters where he sets up his childhood and leading up to meeting her are fine, as are the chapters about their dating and marriage. But the narrative does become gripping when he describes the time after her death and the music he would listen to as the nights stretched into morning. Each chapter does start with the image of a cassette liner listing several songs. Part of the fun is looking at the list and remembering music from the 70s, 80s, and 90s. For some, it might be an odd balance with the seriousness of the narrative, but it worked for me. I especially liked when he says that they both loved pop music. They were not music snobs. One of the things that makes him sad is when he listens to Hanson's "MMMBop" because he knows she would have loved it. As a fan of pop music, I was happy to read a story from a music afficianado who sees the good in the popular.

For many of us, music is our soundtrack, and certain songs will always remind us of people and the past. I can't hear "Saving the Best for Last" by Vanessa Williams and not think of Blane. Or U2's "She Moves in Mysterious Ways." I liked this book a lot.

"There are only two ways to get to San Miguel..."

2008-08-04T21:13:00.003-04:00

Right before the trip, I finished reading, Nothing to Declare: Memoirs of a Woman Traveling Alone by Mary Morris. At the Sarah Lawrence workshop last summer, we read a chapter of it, and I fell in love. I will admit, though, that I was disappointed at first. It's about her time living and traveling in Mexico and Central America. The chapter we read had more to do with her childhood and how it led to her desire to travel the world. Finding out that the book was limited to one part of her adult travels was a let down, but I was wrong to leave the book aside for so long. It really did pull me into it right away. She's vague about dates and time, but she lived for a long period in San Miguel a few hours from Mexico City. She was leaving a bad relationship behind in the states. The book says a lot about being a woman in this culture. And this is odd to say, but it's not as much about being a woman as it might first appear. The book was published in 1988, and I wonder if the feminist agenda might be more at the forefront if it were published later. Or, more accurately, having been raised on a 90s brand of feminism, it didn't feel as direct in this book as I might have expected. But that's not a problem. It's still there when it works. And the story is compelling throughout. I loved reading it and was sorry to see it end.

On an Upswing

2008-08-03T22:35:00.003-04:00

I'm still around. I contracted a mild case of food poisoning Thursday night, either from bad shrimp fried rice from dinner or milk in my chai at Starbucks that afternoon, two things I don't want to not have again but that are not on my list anytime soon. I said mild because vomiting did not actually occur, though part of me wished it had just to have gotten it out of my body sooner. Lots of sleep, which was probably good in general. I got to watch all of Breakfast Club on HBO; I'd forgotten what it's like to watch with all swear words intact. I can't believe I saw that in theatres with my mother. I mean, the entire movie is about the fear of teenagers turning into their parents. Today, I was able to catch Center Stage on Oxygen. I think that is the best bad movie of all time. I ended up on iTunes later downloading The Essential Adam Ant for no reason other than the brief snippet of "Goody Two Shoes" that appears in the film. I was more stunned to find out I owned no Adam Ant. Nothing on any 80s compilation I've ripped over the years? Well, that's been rectified.

And I'm eating solid food again, so things are on an upswing.

The Photos are Up!

2008-07-29T21:49:00.002-04:00

Okay, this is the last entry about the trip, but I just finished uploading all of the best photos. I only uploaded 99 of the 790 I took! If you're interested, you can start at the last and move back, start at the first and move forward, or just see what I tagged with "russia" and jump around. I'd love to hear what people think. The one to the right is just a random one of my favorites. And if anyone has questions, ask them over there, and I'll be glad to answer. I'm so glad I bought the new camera last January. And that I didn't screw anything up with it on the trip!

Mother and Child

2008-07-28T18:29:00.002-04:00

I'm still uploading photos to Flckr from the trip, but I wanted to make special note of this one. One of the most powerful parts of this trip for both of us was that we were just plain doing it, that we were there. No one in our families had ever traveled to Russia before. And outside of the military service for our fathers, none of our parents had ever traveled abroad. Thinking like that made this trip feel extra powerful for us.

I was thinking of my mother a lot, of course. A week ago today in Saint Petersburg, we visited St. Isaac's Cathedral. In the back corner, there was a place to make offerings where you could buy candles of various sizes and place them in holders in front of various icons. I'm not religious enough or knowledgeable enough to know what the different icons meant or why candles should be placed in front of one or the other, but it made sense to buy a candle in memory of my mother and place it in front of the icon representing Madonna and Child.

While doing it, I could not help but think that every opportunity I have in my life is largely because of sacrifices she made throughout hers.

The First Photos

2008-07-27T15:56:00.003-04:00

As I said before, I have 790 photos from the trip. What I've decided to do is to post them day-by-day. So today, I went through the ones from Saturday, July 19, and posted my favorites from that day. I'm posting them in the order in which I took them. The first photo is in this entry. If you're interested, click on through and keep clicking to see the ones from that day. I'll post some for each day and let everyone know over here when I'm done. Or you can just take a look at all the photos I have tagged with "russia" to see them all.

This is the great thing about online sites. People often say that they want to see the photos, but many don't really want to sit through a slide show of hundreds of shots. This way, those who are interested can take a look. I have to say that I am so glad I bought the new camera last January. Some of the later shots are really amazing to me. I'm still stunned that we did it, that we took this trip we've been talking about for years and saw and did what we did. For the first time in years, neither of us really wanted to come home.

The next trip might be Japan. Maybe. It's my choice this time.

We Are Back!

2008-07-25T18:21:00.002-04:00

We are back, and we are done. It was truly the trip of a lifetime. I still can't believe everything we saw and did. I took 790 photos, and Da Man took almost two hundred himself. I go through them all and post in the next couple of weeks. I'll try to post about some of the highlights, too. But it was truly amazing in so many ways.

This weekend, though, I am off to Albany again with BBM for time hanging out with gay men from throughout New England and New York. I told him for weeks that I wouldn't go, but he, Da Man, and I were out one night, and they talked me into it. Basically, he's doing all the driving. I think Da Man was pushing me to go because he wants the house to himself for a couple of days.

And I think it's good for a transition back to work. I've gone through email and unpacked and all that, but I'm not ready to be back in home-mode fulltime. So a break is good.

The Russian Itinerary

2008-07-15T21:16:00.003-04:00

In two days (or less), we leave for Russia. A few people have asked for details. It's Da Man's dream trip, one he has wanted to make since childhood. And it's all new to me, so I'm happy to go along for the ride. We're doing a tour because everyone says the first trip to Russa requires a tour, what with the whole foreign language created in a non-Western alphabet thing. We found a group that had a tour covering much of what Da Man wanted, so we went with it.

Thursday, July 17: We fly out of JFK to Frankfurt where we transfer to a flight to Moscow.

Friday, July 18: We land in Moscow and get a ride to the hotel. That night, we meet the group for dinner.

Saturday, July 19: We go to Red Square to see St. Basil's Cathedral and the Kremlin walls. We get a tour of the city and visit Sparrow Hill for great city views before descending into a former Soviet Command Post. We tour the Kremlin that afternoon and Arbat Street that night.

Sunday, July 20: We tour Kolomenskoye and catch the overnight train to St. Petersburg.

Monday, July 21: We arrive in St. Petersburg and tour St. Isaac's Cathedral and the Peter and Paul Fortress.

Tuesday, July 22: Hermitage day! And we choose the Yusapov Palace for our alternate tour.

Wednesday, July 23: We drive to Pushkin for the Catherine Palace, the Kuznechny Market, and the Dostoyevsky Museum.

Thursday, July 24: We fly back to JFK via Frankfurt.

I'm exhausted just thinking about it. But excited, too. I'll have a ton of pics. I'm looking forward to sitting back and just watching and seeing everything. I still can't believe we're doing this.

Making Me Think

2008-07-14T22:15:00.003-04:00

From Nothing to Declare: Memoirs of a Woman Traveling Alone by Mary Morris:

"As I sat out on that porch, I understood that growth comes over time. Change happens step by step. All along, things had been changing inside of me, bit by bit, in small, imperceptible ways. It had been subtle, not sudden. It had been happening over time" (211).