VIDEOGAME NERDS

SUCK

BEFORE......................................&............................................AFTER	o youve been a losser since birth, sitting in front of your stupid system day in and day out. having your mommy bring you peanutbutter sandwiches (unless you are a true hardcore waist of fucking life geek that is sent into convoltions if they are in the same area code as nuts). well where are you now? the same place your moms bacement?
History Re-Written The Scientific American journal reported this week that a Himalayan rabbit herder has inadvertently stumbled across the remains of what anthropologists believe to be a prehistoric nerd. Carbon dating tests performed on fibres taken from the nerd's propeller beanie, indicate that the frozen geek is between 80 and 100,000 years old. If true, these new facts now directly contradict the earlier belief that nerds weren't in existence until the homosapien era, some 50,000 years later Diet Tests on samples taken from skidmarks in his undershorts suggest that the Jurassic geek lived on a diet consisting mainly of monkey brains, and a strange beverage that can be best described as a crude form of today's 'Zima' beverage. Which incidentally, is still popular among modern-day nerds. Communication Preliminary examination of the nerd's enlarged sinus cavity indicate that these early geeks communicated by making a series of naselish snorts, and stuttered grunts, not unlike the sounds made by present day nerds. Breeding Scientist speculate that these early nerds rarely mated. It is still unclear as to why, but experts speculate that it could have something to do with their extreme dorkiness making them undesirable to other hominid species.	Wish you were him?

A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying:

"NERDS NOT ALLOWED -- ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK|" He goes in and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him a beer.

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils stashed in his pocket protector, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that.

The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don't even need a license, he said.

So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly.

A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season."

"Well, sure," said the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em."





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