Jassen Boys Join University of Hartford

Controversy Continues with Team

UPI - {Boston}: It seems that the word "trouble" is becoming synonymous with the "University of Hartford" team. From their inception, controversy has shrouded this team, and this years running of "The Charles River Race for 2003" is proving to be no exception. In 2001 the University of Hartford team raised a lot of feathers by placing their mascot, Howie the Hawk, in the stern for the infamously difficult fifth leg of the race. We believe this marked the first time in the history of any race that both humans and animals (or birds) worked together equally. The 2002 race could have become quite ugly when the University team arrived with a 333 lb. concrete canoe with a battering ram! Due to the inclement weather in 2002 the University team was not able to leverage the use of their battering ram in quite the way that they had hoped (to the relief of the rest of the field).

This year the "Jassen Boys" also known has the "The Tick-Tacs" have joined the University of Hartford team. For those of you not famillar with the Jassen Boys they were accused of dropping thumb tacks on the biking route of the 1984 Hawaiian Iron Man competition. The incident got out of hand when a number of triathletes who had tires punctured, ran after the two and forced blue and red thumbtacks in the Jassen boys faces. Humiliated by the experience, and now sporting mutilated faces, the Jassens went into seclusion.

"I heard tell they went off to Lakota country and became Contraries", said Park Ranger Barry Lejuene. Lakota is the native term for the Sioux nation. Contraries are those braves who have become "hardcore" or extremists - doing the opposite of everthing. They will greet people with goodbye, and leave by saying hello. They are a dangerous group, and if the field of the Charles thought they had to worry about a battering ram in last years race, they had better brace themselves if the Jassen boys are back.

"They were never quite right again after the attack - ya know - brain damage", quipped Josh Ogden. Joe Ribzick said, "I saw the two of them canoeing on top of Mount Mercy in the snow - in the snow, not in the water. (see photo above) I heard tell something about them being contrary. I think they've gone mad. I think they grew beards to mask all those thumb tack scares. Too bad, Too bad."

Mrs. Libby, their social studies teacher from 7th grade quipped,"They were always such nice boys. They were easily influenced by others though, I think it may have been someone else who led them astray."

Some believe that is was actually Team University of Hartford captain David de Manbey behind the "tack attacks" at the 1984 Hawaiian Iron Man but there has never been any prove that he was even there at the time. If David was the mastermind behind the "tack attacks" as most believe, Daryl and Kerry aren't talking.

This years University of Hartford team will not have their concrete canoe and battering ram, but they will have something even more unpredictable - "The Jassen Boys" and notorious David deManbey at the helm. Hold onto your hat, Team University of Hartford is Back.